I've noticed that whenever am warded at SGH & after discharged, Dr Lee appeared to me very angry. I don't know why for the reason but for some reason, I told myself, well, Dr Lee must have been stressed out during morn ward rounds or someone made her angry. Well, Dr Lee...no one likes gg to hospital including myself but what makes u think otherwise.
I know at times, when u rantled at me, it's for my own good too. Do I really behaved like a kid or because of my baby face & give others that am still very young?
What saddens me is my psychologist Janet said if I joke, people wont take me seriously. She even mentioned that I appeared to her bubbly cheerful & don;t seem to have depression! Do I have to everytime appear very sad, crying right in front of YOU?! Can't I hide my saddness behind my smile? Is that wrong? Janet, do u know that everytime after having therapy session with you, it upsets me further instead.
I suppose I've yet to find the right therapist, otherwise, am getting to nowhere. Ya, just like Dr Lee said that I will have depression forever. Is zoloft still working effectively on me, I wonder? I could see shadows on ceiling wanting me & hearing creeping sounds & at times as if someone is standing somewhere looking at me!! Few days back, when thunder striked without any lighting alert which was extremely loud & one could feel the house trembled...1st time in my life...I screamed out very loud uncontrollable & went into hiding! :(
Previously, my heart just pounded & cover my ears but now...why?
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