Mood unstability

Am glad, I went for my physiotherapy & she lend a listening ear to me. She oso avised me to go for early biopsy.
Mother kept saying am VERY FAT!! Yes, I know am very obese.
I don't even take breakfast this morning & rushed for my physiotherapy session. After that, still don't have appetite to take lunch, hence, just bought mini curry puff n chicken pie to eat.
Felt so dizzy & breathless, rest a while at LIFE before gg home.

Now Vasantham airing about mental illness AN whose pregnant. Great tat there's stepping up on mental illness stigma.

Sky's thumbling down on me AGAIN!!

ENT Dr informed me tat prev blood test + for viro, suspect throat cancer or something similar. Both grown much larger unexpectantly which ENT did photos of it. He wanted to do a biopsy but I chose not to as mood unstable.


Dr worried for me but he respect my decision & put to see me earlier. Was advised to go A&E if there's bleeding from nose. Sky is thumbling down on me again! :('
Podiatrist prescribed foot support & if condition worsen, may have to refer me to see Orthopaedic.
Thank you very much Dr Lee, staff from Clinic A called me up while I was at ENT waiting for my turn as staff told me they're searching for my file. Went over to pick up my prescription.
Mother had appt with Orthopaedic, did many blood tests & was informed her lumber's in bad condition & need to go for weekly physiotherapy.

Saw my DNE in clinic & did a random blood test, BG overshot 18.5. DNE contacted MSW immediately to at least get me a box of test strips, lancets, alcohol swabs for monitoring of blood glucose as been experiencing extreme dizziness for past 2 weeks.

This is exactly how I felt whenever am warded in SGH

I came across this online blog abt staying in hospital & it relates to how I felt exactly the same whenever I was warded in SGH.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/bipolar-mom/2011/05/my-fall-my-hospital-stay/

"From the moment I got up to the floor with the “crazy people” I felt violated. I felt emotionally and mentally raped. I felt beaten and tormented. I felt abandoned."

"It then became my mission to act as sane as possible to get the hell out of there. I was NOT crazy, and did NOT belong in there with all those crazy people. I was just depressed! Well, looking back, that is exactly where I should have been. With my peers, not with “crazy” people."

"I took my medicine as I was supposed to, and slowly got better. I stopped crying and went through the motions of group therapy and personal therapy as I needed to, to get out. It was my priority to go home. I had no idea how bad I was, but I was doing pretty bad.
After I finally went home, the hospital had the same diagnoses of major depressive disorder."

No matter what, not in my life, will I wanna be referred to IMH!

Self-help & some interesting findings about Mental Health

Postural Problems a Sign of Bipolar Illness?
http://psychcentral.com/news/2011/05/25/postural-problems-a-sign-of-bipolar-illness/26467.html

Bipolar Often Misdiagnosed

http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/06/08/bipolar-often-misdiagnosed/6361.html
 
Disaster Plans Should Include Those with Mental Illness

http://psychcentral.com/news/2011/05/24/disaster-plans-should-include-those-with-mental-illness/26432.html

Self-Exploration: Getting To Know Thyself

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/05/24/self-exploration-getting-to-know-thyself/

Horrible side effects with antidepressant Pristiq

Took Pristiq for 3 days, since last week friday morn, mood's a bit better but experiencing extreme nausea, headache, worst night terrors & difficulty urinating (max 3 times toilet visit & it pains a lot) even when I drank lotsa water. I've stopped taking it for 2 days, nausea subsiding too.


Worst thing that's happening it's my VOICE LOST when I woke up on tues morning!! =_=

Don't know what happened but I was still alright during session with Florence MSW morn & Janet on Mon's afternoon & I was at MPS on that faithful night.

When am not on setraline, my body temperature went down a lot. Heads up - I don't wish to try on any other new antidepressant *SURRENDER*.

Tuesday Report - I'm Special

watch 'Tuesday Report - I'm special"? Ytd was abt former prison female officer, met w car accident & she was paralysed. Even her hands were stiffed, legs cldnt walk n worst, no feel of balance on wheelchair. However, w long term physio, she atlas found her balance & got her 1st try to stand up with aid tool. I knw her self-esteem is extreme low. Right now, she did paintings v beautiful w her mouth. I admire her, Salute!

New Balance Concept Store @Velocity

Today, went to New Balance Concept Store @Velocity to het FIT DATA done as instructed by podiatrist. The salesgal whom attended to me is not professional enough, speaking in extreme soft tone, in which only she herself can hear her ownself talking.

Insisting that my feet is size 7, kept insisting that I can wear ladies shoe. I showed her my NIKE shoe size 9 & it's men's size. Later, she commented that she also wearin men's size 9, my foot don't look big to her. I wanted to say her but I kept quiet.

If she herself is of medium build & need to wear men's size 9, how about me? Am very disappointed & frustrated with her service. She took men's size 9 shoes but my foot can feel as if being 'wrapped up like dumpling' & yet she said it fits me!!

I went to another sports store where they offer free consultation too. The salesgal came out to attend to me from the counter with friendly smile & after testing on threadmill, was advised to go for either 'stabilty', 'medium to max cushioning' type of shoes. The way she presented herself is very professional.

Now that I know which type of shoes I should get but provided it's within my budget. I'm not holding even a part-time job yet.

Message forever residing inside ME

Mrs Tharman's message: "A gem with heart of sincerity and kindness and language of the gods" will forever residing inside ME. Tuvm, Mrs Tharman. :)

No money, No life...

No job = no money = outstanding bills = no life

Reflectng back yesterday's appt with Dr Lee, if she were to refer me to IMH! Then I'll die lor!! Over my dead body, NO WAY am gg to IMH!

How can I make my aged mother go all the long journey?
How will I survive there?
How about MSW?

Dr Lee dun wanna see me anymore?? I rather be seen at SGH SOC. Everything all under one roof.

I HATE HVG TO GO THRU 'MY LIFE' with another MSW, docs, nurses, etc...

8 Ways To Create A List For The Life You Want NOW

Got this book titled "8 Ways To Create A List For The Life You Want NOW" by Phil Keoghan from NTUC Xtra at $8.
Was attracted by the title & hopefully someday, I'll flip thru the book & benefit from it.

http://www.amazon.com/No-Opportunity-Wasted-Creating-Life/dp/B000SOQDG8/ref=pd_sim_b_1

New medicine - Pristiq 50mg

This morning, went to see Dr Lee. Brought up to her about Sertraline 100mg which is making me more agitated, anxious, sweaty palms, body temperature rise, proposed to her to be back on fluoxetine. However, Dr Lee suggested on new medication Pristiq - Desvenlafaxin 50mg which is trial sample expiring 15 Jul 11.


I recalled back what she mentioned that this Pristiq is not available in SGH, may have to get it elsewhere. Hmm...What can I do since I've yet to land on a part-time job? I've called up SGH medical social worker Florence & she advised that to monitor if the medicine works for me 1st.

There's even a recent outstanding bill of >$300 after deducting medisave for hospitalisation.

Dr Lee mentioned about signing 'CONTRACT' with me. Very SURPRISED by her proposal, asked Dr Lee "You wanna signed contract with me?" She laughs...& yes indeed. Since I can cope when I felt like slitting my wrist & suicidal thoughts were very strong. I stayed at home as I told Dr Lee, I rather tied myself up then go IMH. Dr Lee said, even if I go to A&E, she's wont admit me since it's like 'comfy' for us & she will refer me to IMH. I told her I don't wanna go IMH!! Who wish to be be warded on a psychiatry ward.

Anway, IMH's subsidized & private wards are filled. As my depressed friend brought up when she admit herself at IMH A&E when Dr Lee thought I was the one who went there.

NAH!!! Not in my life, I will goto IMH!!

Wat do men get from being statified by being able to brush me from behind?

I was at Sheng Shiong with mother last evening, while she's at veges dept I was at ice cream section. Typical traditional indian guy wrapped with cloth brushed my butts from behind, I turned around & stared at him. He just walked off as if nothing happened! I HATED MYSELF VERY MUCH!!

I was hanging around seafood dept when I saw how come 3 men standing right in front of the tanks. Out of curiosity, I went to take a look to find out that they were so engrossed enjoying 'LIVE' show of Australia Lobsters, one of the tank - threesome & the other one on one.

Why men think of nothing but just SEX? There's a guy whom sent me very RIDICULOUS gross bdsm message whom wanted to experience being handled like 'sister' by girls. WTH!!

Another banker, sounding me out by typing in msn, 'give me a sex' instead of 'give me a sec' & apologised that it's typo error. At once, removed him from my msn.

SICKENING!!!

Know ur limits...

Saw 2 koolz NB shoes at IMM outlet but then it's kid's size! One adult even insists the shoe fits her >_< PLS LOR, how can an elephant leg fit into the mousie's shoe??

Was there becoz was told to get FIT data but learnt that gotto goto concept stores. Eews..I dun wana go somewhere far & expose myself to scorching sun. Guess best it's Velocity.

Why such thoughts?

Last nite, took lorazepamx2 but unable to slp. Yet, unwanted scary thots kept floating in my mind.Thots were sliting & gg to One Fullerton. Why?
Tdy, wasnt any better. I screamed out loud "I HATE U ALL" & crying on my bed. Dare not go anywhere.
Just wanted to die but I've potential, why should I die? This is how I psycho myself. I just go to sleep, at least keep myself from harming ownself.

Skin condition better

Yesterday went to polyclinic but Dr N's on part time, hence, aint in in the afternoon. I requested for any other female doctor.

Waited for an hr plus for my turn & seen by Dr C whom very young & pretty. Saw the heaty rash over my neck & pimples liked under bosom and left nose internally. Prescribed me Biotine, Hydroderm & Aqueous cream for a wk.

Hydroderm cream very effective cream to stop the itchy rash. Well, I oso felt better with extreme cooling air conditioned places but definitely not at home. Managed to get an additional stand fan.

SOS, put me inside FREEZER

Weather is way too extremely humid for me to tolerate anymore! I wanna put myself inside the FREEZER!!!

Skin's peeling with redness & itchy. There's something pimple-like inside my left nostril which is pain without even touching it.

Eews...

Am being BBQ-ED by extremely humid weather

my skin's peeling off, redness & itchy. Oh, it's making me very MAD!!
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Passion card renewal & got myself a new free SKECHERS pink bag!! Yeahoo!!

What else besides iPad2?

There's this ASUS Eee Pad Transformer TF101!!

Runs on Tegra, long battery life, 2 USB ports & compatible SD & microSD card slots & so on....More details available at http://www.asus.com/Eee/Eee_Pad/Eee_Pad_Transformer_TF101/

It's light, stylish, scratch resistance will attract one to it.

Very meaningful video

Here's a meaningful video to share in which I've got from Pastor - Holy3nity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzgzim5m7oU

"Human" machine broke down

Yesterday, was seen by podaitrist for my left toe wound, still got some splinters in. Managed to pull out & left a tiny bit as there's still pain.
Afterwhich, seen by new diabetes nurse whom worked at psy ward before.

She was so surprised of my blood glucose readings as falls under normal range.
Asked if I purposely starved myself to have perfect readings. Nope but meals aint regular. I couldn't sleep well at night as woken up by noises & my back pain. Dr Tan was surprised with my good readings as I didn't even inject a wee bit of novorapid before dinnertime.
Left arm, excruciating pain radiating from back to arm to shoulder to neck & triggered my migraine. Felt so dislocated & there's numbness pain on my whole of left arm.

HDB flat is under renovations, with all the paintings, drillings & washing - had to tolerate the paint odour which made me nausea & dizzy, noise from drills & washing had to have windows shut, feeling sauna inside the house!
Been experiencing nightmares about psychiatry settings & other night terrors.

Tune in to OKTO 2nite @10p.m.

The Memory Garden Project by Ketna Patel & Foo Aiwei and SGH Garden will be aired tonite, 4 May on Okto TV at 10pm. Do tune in!

Can I just don't go for consultations?

Suddenly something strike my mind... can I just don't go for consultations?

-----------

This morning, woke up had breakfast & felt so sleepy, went back to sleep. Woke up 2p.m., made some pancakes. Dinner, had some crinkle cut fries, fish nuggets & salad. cant finish the fries.

Thinking, maybe I should go for commis cook. Stay in kitchen, no need to interact with anyone.

Dieting personality

Interesting, I took the dieting personality & knw whats the result? Caloric!! Eewss

Your Results

Your diet personality: Caloric

Cutting back on your calorie intake can help you lose weight, but never overdo it: Skipping meals and embarking on very low calorie diets can backfire. "As soon as you start eating a great deal less than you regularly do, your body will respond by going into its conservation mode," explains Dr. Stephanie Dalvit-McPhillips, author of The Right Bite. This manner of operating includes a slower metabolic rate, temporarily reducing the rate at which your body burns calories and fat. "Not only will you find it increasingly difficult to lose body fat on a very low-cal diet, your body fat will increase more rapidly than ever when you go back to eating normally," adds Dalvit-McPhillips.
Healthy eating and regular exercise are really the best way for long-term weight loss: Researchers at the University of Colorado School of Medicine found that people who are successful at maintaining weight loss are the ones who eat a dietary pattern very similar to that recommended by nutritionists – with most calories in the form of complex carbohydrates, less than 30 percent of calories from fat, and about 20 percent of calories from protein – and stay physically active.

Supportive & not possesive lurker

What I need is supportive fren & not someone who is a possesive lurker in my FB!


I was online live messenger when "S" msged asking about the clinic. Even mentioned to me that "S" went thru my list of frens & even seen the postings.

Not only that, "S" even smsed me daily but I totally ignored the messages. No obligations & I don't need to report to "S". It's my own personal life.
When "S" saw my latest photo, "S" commented that my life is colourful. Yes, our lives needs to be colourful even thou in darkness most of the time.
Shouldn't we as patients make a slight effort to help ownself to recovery?

Felt so horrible deep down when I found out "S" is lurker at FB! Since then, removed from my frens list.