Feeling better

This morning, woke up feeling better & was discharged. This thurs gg to see Dr Lee.

I must do something more, reading philosophy, self-help, buddhism books to lift me from the dumps. Can't let myself to be controlled by the suicidal thoughts which are very disabling & horrible, scares me.

Almost jump off building

Woke up from nightmare at 5 a.m. juz now, about me seeing "things" with a kid..something which I couldn't actually remember what it was about. A sudden feeling of being hopeless n future seems bleak that I went to the kitchen window & wanted to jump down from there. I was crying hysterically...I dunno why out of sudden there's an impulse inside to wanting to suicide! It's really horrible...I was trying to think of Mrs Tharman, my mother and father...that I later tried sitting down right n front of Goddess of Mercy & ancestors.

I couldnt stop crying...my mind was so confused & blank!! Deep inside struggling, I wanna die & end all, the other side no u shouldn't..think of so many ppl arnd u trying to help me..I cant let them down..when I asked Goddess of Mercy as today it's Buddha's birthday..whether I should go A&E? And I could feel it that it's telling me, yes, u should but deep inside I really dun wish to..I wont have freedom...every morning have to face so many doctors with all eyes on me! Then monitor whether finish the food on ur plate. Am not used to the transparent clothing...felt so naked in it..

Sleep deprivation

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/health/view/1043889/1/.html

MOH released news on more psychologists & therapist

Guess not only for child development...on this earth....humans harming one another...that explains lotsa problems...I myself unable to escape it to & it's putting me thru this horrendous test!!

Viewing how Jesus got nailed on cross on CNA & my Pastor Uncle Augustine sent, made me sick..I can't take it..horrible scene...traumatized...

Seminar - Stress at Suntec 10 Apr

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/seminar

Should I go for it? To learn some relaxation techniques?? Ex leh, $16 now... Ponder..

Dont play me like that anymore!!

Even singtel prepaid top up is playing on me!! Bought the bonus $30 top up & ended up credit not in. Left with $2 plus only...how to ctc..?

WTF!! Am oredi not in so gd mood le...still wanna fool me like that!

My G700 biz ed hp seems cranky too...%$^%&$*^^%#$@%#$@!

Scrapblog

Try out scrapblog online & share online at FB, Twitter, Flickr...etc..

Check out at http://www.scrapblog.com/ Have fun!

SO BORED!!!!

Am damn BORED!! Raining over at west area.I wanna go orchard...go there do what? See ppl, take pics of ppl...lol...

Woke up with big puffy eyes!! Like goldfish!! EEwsS...

11.30 am plus oredi..haha LAst nigh, damn hungry but din eat anything...v GOOD!!! KEEP IT UP!!!

Morning weigh, lose 1.5kgs!! HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOS Photography Contest!!

Wow! Juz read the new of FOS Photography CONTEST!! I wanna win the 1st prize!!! Grab my latest Fujifilm finepix EXR Z700 Camera SNAP SNAP SNAP!! This is the opportunity to boost my portfolio!! If selected, will be displayed at ORCHARD for public voting too beside panel of judges!!

EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SNAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP SNAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Session today

Today Apr fooling me, no taxi in sight for an hr plus & it's approaching 11.30am v soon. Luckily I had SGH oper ctc on my cam hp, called up, linked to clinic A to info Dr Lee that I'll be late. Reached there arnd 11.40a.m. ah..breathless...my turn's arnd 12 noon...

Always wanted to tell something to Dr Lee but always slipped my mind...argh..hence typed it & gave her. Zoloft increased to 75mg & maintained on lorazepam. Oh no, Dr Lee sounded offended when I mentioned why named it psy ward, why not Holistic Wellness Ward..Then she said Apple is Apple, Orange is Orange..how can u say Apple is Orange & vice versa. Oopz...

Out of sudden, felt stress internally, felt dizzy, sat down & started crying...Duhz! No appetite till I noticed it's almost 2 something that I went coffee toast to have a bowl of wanton mee pok n kopi c. Went to LIFE gym & saw lil sis Siti there. Happy to see her there...

Started in gym half an hr, took BG 11.8, BP 120/ 70. I did dumb bells 3x10 sets, cycling resis 6 for 30 mins & threadmill halfway but completed 3 mins at 2.5 speed dizzy & felt like vomitting. When done, I stayed put on the threadmill as felt whole room spinning..I couldnt withstand..informed physiotherapist & exercise stopped for the day..BG 11.4 & BP 121/70...called DNE Eunice & said it's due to stress emotionally thats why BG high.

I rested & changed to clean tshirt. Eric came to me & said all readings ok, asked me anything happened...could be emotion stress..asked if anyone accompany me home & when I said am taking mrt home, Eric wanted me to take cab home on safe side. If still feel unwell, to see GP immedately..

Had dinner at almost 8.30 p.m. No mood ah...Eunice agreed with what Dr Lee said, to solve my mood 1st as it's v unstable & that I did ya "silly" thing scratched my leg..

Aiya, whose on right mind would do "silly" thing...haha But hor, everyone in a lifetime sure got do something "silly"... :p

Damn Bo Ho Sey!! -_-!!