I couldn't withhold myself, the suicidal thots & am in EXTREME low mood. Guess DD saw my FB msg, smsed me to call him when convenient. I replied telling him am in low mood to call him now. Even I missed DNE Sis Eunice call. I was in ladies crying hysterically again! Shity mood...
Very suicidal...dunno what to do. I gave Sis a call back, told her felt bad disturbing her coz I dun wanna depend on anyone...but she said it's alright. Wanted me to go A&E & called mom but I dun want. Tmr got appt with Dr Lee.
I've no appetite to eat hence Sis wanted me to at least drink something..I felt like gg to one fullerton side..now but cant get away..
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Weird
Yesterday I lost 1.5kgs when am taking in lotsa kcals?!! Impossible!!
Last night, dunno why, no apparrent reason, cried hysterically to slp. I did take my zoloft & lorazepam faithfully, why still like that? Heng xin ku ah...
I prepared pills in pill box already but forget to put inside my bag this morning...missed my BP, DB, migraine, vitamins meds!! SHIT!!!!
Shity mood now...how?
Here wounds there wounds, how to hide it manz!! -_-!! Ugly!!
Last night, dunno why, no apparrent reason, cried hysterically to slp. I did take my zoloft & lorazepam faithfully, why still like that? Heng xin ku ah...
I prepared pills in pill box already but forget to put inside my bag this morning...missed my BP, DB, migraine, vitamins meds!! SHIT!!!!
Shity mood now...how?
Here wounds there wounds, how to hide it manz!! -_-!! Ugly!!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Happenings
Morning woke up, ate 3 pieces of oat munchy biscuits for breakfast. Uncle William called up asked me again whether am gg to civil service college. OF COURSE!! Been looking fwd to it. Reached there quite early 15 mins before 9am.
Lecturer was K. L - Memory Power: Simple Techniques to Remembering More. Pissed off when he cited that one of his participants from prev class said MRT = Must Rub Together. V R(A) of him!! I asked why not Mentally Really Toot!
Before letting us go for tea break, asked everyone to stand up capped hands & said Thank you. There's carrot cake & so called garlic butter bread which is damn hard. I brought along my pkt of indocafe cappucino! Went back to class, asked us to do some exercises, damn lamed!! He mentioned the 2 muslim guys touching each other like v intimate way...becoz he himself is fantasing!!
Cant really concentrate in class oso!! SHIT!!
Lunch time, buona vista changed a lot! Wanted to have masala dosai at the new indian stall but was told they din hv it for lunch. Walk to hawker ctr above market, no place to sit, v humid n stuffy..I juz walked further into the row of shops till something caught my attn!! Lovely CAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Purple Rose Cafe!! Had Tuxedo Truffle Mousse which really melts in my mouth & Agnus ginger beer for lunch only.
Walked back to class, not again, EXERCISE!! Want us to think, feddup, shouted at him, hey! we come here for course to relax, u pressurrized us by wanting us to THINK!! Am Mentally REally Tired, nap a while, hold my head..head heavy...heavy downpour with thunder...
At last, class over...took mrt to boon lay..called mother & said she's not feeling well & told me to hv dinner my own..I bought take-away sashimi don with salmon roe. Dunno what to eat..
Lecturer was K. L - Memory Power: Simple Techniques to Remembering More. Pissed off when he cited that one of his participants from prev class said MRT = Must Rub Together. V R(A) of him!! I asked why not Mentally Really Toot!
Before letting us go for tea break, asked everyone to stand up capped hands & said Thank you. There's carrot cake & so called garlic butter bread which is damn hard. I brought along my pkt of indocafe cappucino! Went back to class, asked us to do some exercises, damn lamed!! He mentioned the 2 muslim guys touching each other like v intimate way...becoz he himself is fantasing!!
Cant really concentrate in class oso!! SHIT!!
Lunch time, buona vista changed a lot! Wanted to have masala dosai at the new indian stall but was told they din hv it for lunch. Walk to hawker ctr above market, no place to sit, v humid n stuffy..I juz walked further into the row of shops till something caught my attn!! Lovely CAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Purple Rose Cafe!! Had Tuxedo Truffle Mousse which really melts in my mouth & Agnus ginger beer for lunch only.
Walked back to class, not again, EXERCISE!! Want us to think, feddup, shouted at him, hey! we come here for course to relax, u pressurrized us by wanting us to THINK!! Am Mentally REally Tired, nap a while, hold my head..head heavy...heavy downpour with thunder...
At last, class over...took mrt to boon lay..called mother & said she's not feeling well & told me to hv dinner my own..I bought take-away sashimi don with salmon roe. Dunno what to eat..
Depressed but now feeling better
After dinner, mother mentioned to me that one of the china auntie whom she got to knw at taman jurong green whie exercising would like to meet me. Puzzled, asked why? Mother told me that auntie said that am big gal, shouldn't follow mummy everywhere. Should go venture on my own.
Anger was my very 1st reaction! Hey! Not that I wanted to follow u, it's u urself worried so much & being over protective that u wanna follow me everywhere! When I wanted to go disco so much to meet up my frens, u would agree initially but on the very day, u will find some excuses to prevent me from going out at all. Even if just makan or shopping, kept asking whom u gg out with & what time be back...dun stress me like that, mother!!
I went for shower & cried. Locked myself inside the room. Mother knocked on the door & I unlocked & she told me thought I wanted to go over MPS to look for R. I did went over, at least, I din regret gg over. Mother din follow, guess she's damn angry too.
Pulled fishbones to R & felt so much better. Dr Joshua, Mr Goh saw me...aiyo..Dr Joshua knew I wanted to see Mrs Tharman. Yes, passed her the article I wrote in to SHAPE which won me the POLAR sports watch.
Know what, I felt like running away from home, really...and maybe for good, who knows. If mother frowns for no apparrent reason or kept on making frustration noises, it really IRRITATES me a lot!!
Am very stressed up with finances & the rest...dun stress me up for small matters.
Anger was my very 1st reaction! Hey! Not that I wanted to follow u, it's u urself worried so much & being over protective that u wanna follow me everywhere! When I wanted to go disco so much to meet up my frens, u would agree initially but on the very day, u will find some excuses to prevent me from going out at all. Even if just makan or shopping, kept asking whom u gg out with & what time be back...dun stress me like that, mother!!
I went for shower & cried. Locked myself inside the room. Mother knocked on the door & I unlocked & she told me thought I wanted to go over MPS to look for R. I did went over, at least, I din regret gg over. Mother din follow, guess she's damn angry too.
Pulled fishbones to R & felt so much better. Dr Joshua, Mr Goh saw me...aiyo..Dr Joshua knew I wanted to see Mrs Tharman. Yes, passed her the article I wrote in to SHAPE which won me the POLAR sports watch.
Know what, I felt like running away from home, really...and maybe for good, who knows. If mother frowns for no apparrent reason or kept on making frustration noises, it really IRRITATES me a lot!!
Am very stressed up with finances & the rest...dun stress me up for small matters.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sudden jerk during slp
Lunchtime, took a nap, suddenly woke up from the jerk. As if fell off the chair, my head resting on the pillow. Could it be due to new stress - new project to do > 3000 & anxiety? Maybe shld bring up to Dr Lee & Prof Lo my neurologist.
Is this related to sleep disorder or what doctors normally termed it as "myoclonic epilepsy"? Of late, ringing sounds in my ear i sback! Irritating!!
Is this related to sleep disorder or what doctors normally termed it as "myoclonic epilepsy"? Of late, ringing sounds in my ear i sback! Irritating!!
V ANGRY W MYSELF
Ytd late afternoon till nite, took me a lot of effort completing the easter egg themed dwgs but this morning, to see that 2 of it kena destroyed! Blown to the floor & sticked together!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna cry out le..........
PMS on sun actual, damn bored, dun feel like dng anything but had to do something to pass the day.
Tried making an enormous easter egg but turns out dunno look like clown or egg, damn it!! I re-designed to small petite size easter egg which looks kawaii ne!! Took photos of it but dunno wat reason, thumbdrive dropped on couch coz unable to find it inside my bag!! SHIT!!
Oh dear, my pants are tight!! HELP!!! Dr Lee, can go to ur 'bungalow' aka "Holistic Wellness Ctr" for a stay to help me slim down few kgs at least? hehe
PMS on sun actual, damn bored, dun feel like dng anything but had to do something to pass the day.
Tried making an enormous easter egg but turns out dunno look like clown or egg, damn it!! I re-designed to small petite size easter egg which looks kawaii ne!! Took photos of it but dunno wat reason, thumbdrive dropped on couch coz unable to find it inside my bag!! SHIT!!
Oh dear, my pants are tight!! HELP!!! Dr Lee, can go to ur 'bungalow' aka "Holistic Wellness Ctr" for a stay to help me slim down few kgs at least? hehe
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Juz completed some artworks
Bored, nothing to do, so empty..did some artworks..juz completed. Eyes strained tired & hands tired too coz of squeezing it hard to ensure ink is out to outline. Did 5 of Easter Day theme.
http://genyturquoise.blogspot.com/
http://genyturquoise.blogspot.com/
Dun feel good
as my period came. slept tll almost 12 noon...whole body v weak, no strength, migraine & pain all over the body! Aww..
I forgotten to take my meds...oh no!
Now taking all meds at a go just like when inpatient time, the muslim nurse gave me all meds at a go, never before nor after food when it's suppose to be. So far, didn't let my 'god mother' know abt it. Dun wanna make it big.
I forgotten to take my meds...oh no!
Now taking all meds at a go just like when inpatient time, the muslim nurse gave me all meds at a go, never before nor after food when it's suppose to be. So far, didn't let my 'god mother' know abt it. Dun wanna make it big.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
OBESITY
my goodness..am oredi so obese, there's other much more obese than I & she even ordered 2 sets of upsized macs meals!!! *fainted* My mother saw her 1st, notified me & I turned around, to my SHOCKING!!...then another 2 at taxi stand!! Can't even see their lines at their back of legs!! Mother n myself head shaking.. I see oredi, I dare not eat dinner tonite le
Went chinatown to see kitchen/ household stuffs at Sia Huat prev advertised by Chen Li Ping & Zhong Qin but things aint cheap at all but the pots n pans nice. We had one bak chang & shared green tea with red beans shavings for lunch.
Shopped at PS too, got ENDO pan, v value for money $9.90!! Had oyster mee sua & pork cutlet with mother & felt full for snack....
I really want to take lotsa detox pills right now!!
Went chinatown to see kitchen/ household stuffs at Sia Huat prev advertised by Chen Li Ping & Zhong Qin but things aint cheap at all but the pots n pans nice. We had one bak chang & shared green tea with red beans shavings for lunch.
Shopped at PS too, got ENDO pan, v value for money $9.90!! Had oyster mee sua & pork cutlet with mother & felt full for snack....
I really want to take lotsa detox pills right now!!
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