Had beer last night as feeling damn down & hot. Watch jap anime till 11 plus on horror evil spirits before showering. Suddenly, suicidal thoughts came again, I drew fantastic suicidal notes with drawings. During my sleep, lotsa funny dreams & know what? I dreamt of Dr Lee searching the ward for potential suicidal tools as I've slashed my hand!!! Pengz!!!!!! This morning unwilling woke up, dragged myself outta bed to go for appt with Dr Lee. I didn't had breakfast as I dun feel like eating. On my way to SGH, my gastric pain came & bad too. I took out my almond granola cereal bar & ate, as approaching rm 11, Dr Lee came out, seems her mood very good today leh & oso wearing black blouse. I sat there outside her consultation room, after she saw a patient, she came out & told me that she had to go for a mtg & Dr
Timothy Teoh will see me. I asked whether she can see me in the afternoon but was told too packed. No choice then. Oh ya, Dr Lee saw me munching at the bar. :p I had pms yesterday, told damn heavy!
Told Dr Teoh about my worsen agitation, suicidal thots & I wanted to show Dr Lee something but had it photocopied. Next time round, will tell Dr Lee abt that funni dream of her. haha...Next appt 25 feb, not yet over LNY. Dr Teoh decreased my med to 30mg fluoxetine & increased 50mg atarax. Told me dun take 3x atarax, or else I will feel the hangover.
Went to O' Brien, got myself big shambo & reg iced mocha. Surprisingly, I ate only 1/3 portion of the sandwich & feeling bloated, feel like vomiting out oredi. I told the staff to pack for me.
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