Skin infection on left ear

Been 2 days there's pain on my left ear, went to see GP & was told it's something skin infection on ear. She worried coz am diabetic.

Been given 2 types of antibiotic & ponstan.

the GP whom I saw tdy aint my usual GP whom see me from young till now. It's her colleague! Am very scared of her leh, know what, this time when I told her about my ear, she said: "come gal", then she opened her legs very wide enough to clamp my closed legs in btwn her legs to check on my left ear!! What is she trying to do!!

Weight loss & Nutrition

Gosh! I've never tried lentils before but maybe I'll try it out some day..maybe with baked fish? hehe Got this from Men's Health http://www.menshealth.com.sg/weight-loss-nutrition/5-best-health-foods-you’re-not-eating

I love putting strips of seaweed to my miso soup, noodle soup to enhance flavours. Seaweed's my favourite snacks of all time!! haha

Diet recipies blog

http://dietrecipesblog.com/

Of late, out on too much weight, now my pants damn tight!! So sad..from now on, my lunch gonna be granola bars less than 200 kcals. Got to restrict what I eat. Best at home, do some exercises too to increase metabolism.

Migraine

CT scan results shows nothing unusual & weird of Prof Lo to print out the result & pushed across the table to me without explaining to me. I had migraine & he gave me additional medicine which is "betahistine mesylate 6mg taken thrice per day" when needed for dizziness but am so afraid to take it as it's histamine group where am allergic to iodine due to histamine reaction!!

So fast hungry

Had mutton briyani take away today for lunch, so fast hungry at 2.40 p.m. Had alive granola bar, kit kat, quaker instant cereal porridge & now making campbell instant soup with pasta but felt better that am not that sleepy anymore...lol Mind seems alert a bit.

Felt like giving that pax one big tight slap on da FACE but dun wish to stain my hands

With her age of 55 already, yet told me story flip here flip there like roti prata. Last wk morning, told me that within 2 hrs can go off for med appts but right now I msg asking her again, she told me she heard from the other sub-dept. Wtf, always don't give me accurate info. Even for workwise, show me do like this but end up incorrect! What a CHILDISH WAY of her action!!

Can't let anger rule

Otherwise, ended up aching all over, felt so tired, dun feel like doing anything in addition migraine sets in further like today. Also signalling anytime once a mth coming soon. -_-


Once anger overrulled me, I'll fell sick the next day. Last night able to slp with new age music, till this morning, dun feel like waking up at all when it's 10 plus in the morning.hee

CT scan result shows nothing unusual. Prof printed out & just pushed the result to me ytd. Weird of him & even asked me where I work & job appt. When told him, the way he looked at me it's like do I look like IT. Aiyoyo..my mother was with me inside his consultation roo,. He refered me to polyclinic then prescibed me additional med for dizziness. OMG!!

Had luncheon meat ham - pig's brand with bread as lunch & mother wanted to go for the PA's 50th annv concerto at japanaese gardn. Told her I wont be gg as heavy downpour & am not well too. She insisted gg after raining's over. She was very disappointed when she felt strange that there's ppl waslking out...No shelter tent for audience!! Very deep far in somemore.

Mother came back home, telling me, should have heed my advice. keke

* I won't be easily defeated! I'll show u what YYJ got!! heh heh

Session with pdoc today

Tdy went to see my pdoc, Dr Lee. I was opening my hp to play game when I saw my number flash on board & run to the room..off the game. Dr Lee saw me & say I look happy to her..hehe. Asked me why?


Told her coz taxi driver asked me why in front got 2 men in green uniform open doors & greet ppl. Jin ho tan - easy money for velvet parking fee, service quality. hehe

Talking abt my bingeing, it got worse coz I binge daily recently & mostly in the afternoons & at night. Din take lunch coz no appetite. Even when I took lunch, I even binge too..Dr Lee up my zoloft to 100mg to help on my bingeing but if I still feel very hot, extremely tired, to lower back to 75mg & she'll see me in 3 wks time.

Told her abt my CT scan got allergy to iodine & migraine attack ytd. Also I got sianz gg for dietitian but Dr Lee said I wanna lose wt right, I replied yes. heh heh...

Felt under performed at work. Extremely fatigue which I've never experienced before. Can't concentrate at work, felt so slpy...told to take slpg pills earlier.

Kevin will be seeing me on 1st jun...long time to go.

Happening

This morning, working out of sudden migraine struck me till  my tears rolled down. Held my head, mgr came to see me, told me rest a while b4 deciding..coz told him I wanna go home rest. No point see doc as Prof Lo reviewing me on fri with CT scan results.

Wow! I got mother won a pair of GV movie vouchers...myself still got a pair too!! Dunno catch which movie...lol..

Tmr see Dr Lee & go LIFE gym.

REAL MUSIC

For tranquility, relaxation, relieving stress, highly recommend REAL MUSIC http://www.realmusic.com/

Now listening to "Wave Hands Like Clouds" by Buedi Siebert, making me feel serenity.

Binge at work

HORRIBLE!! Eating Kit-Kats, cereal bars, cereal drinks & chocolate wafers non-stop!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! Am getting fatter & fatter & it worried me very much. I dun feel hungry at all but juz wanna munch munch & munching!!!

I cant do this to myself, it's self-destruxting but I juz cant stop it!! HELPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am a dinosaur, a shark, king kong...who grabs at anything at sight!! Kuz like an incinerator!! WTF!!!!!!!!!

Hate myself to the core, why u must eat?! Cant u juz stop eating? Wanna slim, right? So dun eat!

Mood

I dun wish to further dampen my mood anymore with my already low mood. Prob avoid those at the Psychology Wellness Ctr page too. Should hang around with positive people to aid in my recovery. No point wasting time 'counselling' ppl who doesn't even wanna listen & even rebuke crudely.

There are others who need my help more & concern, they're the ones worthy of my help. Am not great but it's always good to be just a listener. Helping others in need also in a way help myself on the road to recovery. Depression is evil, we should not let it triumph, instead we should try to eliminate it.

No point getting upset over such people who refuse my kind intention. I've to keep telling myself this in order not to let my mood swing deeper. There's lots more ppl out there with worse situations. Watch the show on Life's Navigator at Ch8 tonight at 8p.m. a lady who had 4 abortions, with depression & complicated background.

My mother's fren who live at 7 storey at our block, keep saying she dun eat meat, eat seafood but later said she dun eat prawns, crab but she divuldge that her daughter brought her to kuriya at jp to have seafood buffet every wk. She always forget whatever she said & guess she got dementia..she got much of the syptoms.

I've got enlightened yesterday that I was lucky that I did not jump. I've conquered the resistance to execute! Thats the good news. I've been told to read more sutras & also to recite Goddess of Mercy & Namo Amitabha.

Bobby!!

Tdy went over to mother's fren's hse. Upon reaching, auntie's dog Bobby at the door ready to sniff me. I tickle right below his neck & stroke on his head & he simple loves me doting him! He's so ADORABLE!! Later he was tired n wanted rest, went back to his cage..hehe

Duno how to live like a man but know how to live like a dog

watching a show on OKTO juz now, it's abt a man who died became a dog (atlas he rmbed how he died & actually his gd fren did help him when he met with the accident & he as the dog left his family in the gd hands of his gd fren) said he dunno how to live like a man but know how to live like a dog. A touching movie.

Overeating

Of late, been over eating to the extreme, getting out of hands!! Now am oso hvg fever, dun feel well at all since woke up this morning & felt so drowsy.

Guess it's delayed allergy reaction. Don't torture me like this..
Dun feel hungry oso eat, hungry oso eat..eat till very bloated..feel like vomitting.

Allergic to iodine

Am allergic to iodine!! Itchy all over my body that I can't sleep at all...keep on scratching...ARGH!! Tmr need to go back to get the med to stop the itch!! WTF.

Why antidepressant dun work

http://www.naturalnews.com/028498_antidepressants_clinical_trials.html

http://www.livescience.com/health/how-antidepressants-work-100120.html

If I dun respond to anti-depressant, should I stop the therapy for good? Very disappointed whenever I come across such articles. It'll only put me down in the dumps even more.

A big " ? " in my case.

Am mentally & physically exhausted

Everything oso asked me to make decision, everything oso dunno..want me to settle. Am extremely mentally & physcially exhausted le...haiz..

Like that I prefer staying alone. No one to come & tell me must do this, must do that. Everything oso monitor & want me to do her way.

I had enough of all these!!

News to me..mental health in neighbourhood

http://www.pccnetwork.com.sg/Resources/HealthcareNews/Friday/

huh...then my period always irrregular.. -_-!!

What a day!!

This morning, requires me to fast by 10.am. 4 hrs before CT scan & had to take med at 12.30 p.m. Reached x-ray dept at 2p.m. & had to register & made payment 1st of hundreds over...then proceed to the other counter. Nurse had to insert IV needle, at 1st she wanted to poke at my arm which is damn painful, later I told her to poke on my forearm better..pain...till I like "kill me.........."....m so famished , felt fainting...headache...3.30 p,m plus le..my schedule was 2.30 p.m. those later than I were in for scan le..

While waiing, noticed that wtf mo doc lau ka weng from ward 54d, he saw mother & quickly turned his head & headed to staff room. Minutes later, came out, he was so paisey to see me & smile unwillingly & quickly walked off. Guilty conscience!! Whatever u told Dr Lee hor.. >_<

My turn came when it's 3.35p.m., then I was strapped down & did 2 scans, one without injection of dye, the 2nd one with it which made me feel extremely hot inside & I could feel the heat & my tongue & mouth numb, less than 15 mins, done!! Had to drink lotsa water to flush out the dye & cant take glipizide for 2 days.

Went to grab a bit of waffles 1st, damn hungry then went to Kuriya to have buffet dinner. eating lotsa snow crabs & kani crab (this one extremely nice) with special ding dong session with lobster & chocolate ice cream cakes!! Love the black sesame mochi, scallop ginseng porridge & buckwheat noodle with onion, sesame seeds...Had too much that am sooooooooooo BLOATED!! lol....lunch plus dinner plus supper...all together juz becoz of that stupid ct scan timing!! Dr Lee, not that I dun wan adhere to meal time hor..lol

Oopz...put on too much weight le...tmr must cut dwn much on food calorie intake.

Possessive FB fren on game addiction

Got estrangled by a fb fren whom kept msg-ing me & even to the extend of sending sms to my hp to send her free gifts at farmville!! Come-on. why get so serious to online gaming, it's just an online game. Guess she's too much of game addiction - OCD. It's not like I didn't send free gifts...it's very routine that everytime one goes to application, u def send free gifts over to ur neighbours. Sighz...there's always publish function in fb.

She's even much more senior than I am in terms of age...omg!!

Whenever there's S.H.E's news, also sms or call me. Just post to wall will do.

Stresses doctors faced

Extracted from: http://www.sma.org.sg/smj/3911/articles/3911me1.html

2. Handling difficult patients: Patients may have a strong emotional response towards the doctor (transference) and arouse similarly strong responses from the doctor (counter-transference). Underlying these are the patterns of relationships with key people early in the person’s life. For example a doctor may "remind" a patient of his domineering and authoritarian father provoking a hostile reaction. Difficult patients may "unload" their negative emotions onto the doctor (projection) or require persistent reassurance and "downloading" from the doctor. Both reflect the interplay of the needs and psyche of the patient and doctor. More often than not, hostile reactions are not personal attacks but projections of anger towards an accessible and convenient target. Doctors need to avoid becoming receptacles for these and other strong negative emotions by stepping back mentally and asking themselves, "Why am I feeling like this towards this patient?" (and/or vice-versa). Problems occur when doctors go to extremes, either becoming overly concerned and responsible, or angry and abrupt.

Stress in women doctors


"I feel stressed. Most of my energy goes to my work _ treating patients and supervising juniors. The worse things are the workload and the inflexibility. I get back home and my two young children fight for my attention. Sometimes I’m so tired I’m asleep by 8.30pm. I have to come in to hospital almost every day. Squeezing one day’s work into half on Saturday leaves me dead tired when I’m finished. I’m worn out after a few months, but two days of leave refreshes me. I would definitely prefer part time work but it doesn’t seem to be available."

No wonder Dr Lee oso told me before few times she oso feels stressful.

http://www.sgcp.org.uk/sgcp/sgcp_home.cfm

Psychology

http://www.sgcp.org.uk/sgcp/sgcp_home.cfm

Session with Lakeside Family Ctr Counsellor - very good

This morning, went over to JW Lakeside Family Ctr to see counsellor Winny. She's nice & friendly & got me open-up to her too. After the talk, she knew how I felt deep inside & consoled me. Felt better after crying & talking with her.

She even gave me her emil addy & even to call her anytime & she'll wait for me after work!!

Self-help - How to deal with stress by Stephen Palmer & Cary Cooper

Came across this self-help book: How to deal with stress by Stephen Palmer & Cary Cooper in changing your thinking, change ur behaviour & increase confidence. Inside the book, there's 'homework' on self-reflection & guidance.

Hopefully, using this CBT, improve my coping skills.

Stephen Palmer, PhD is Founder Director of Ctr for Stress Mgmt & Honorary Professor of psychology at City University, London.

Cary Cooper, PhD, CBE is Professor of Org Psychology & Health at Lancaster University, President of British Assoc of Counselling & Psychotherapy, Chair of Academy of Social Science.

A book worth in self-investment.

http://www.koganpage.com/products/how-to-deal-with-stress--creating-success-series/CareersandTesting/C/Personal_Development/C003/1003093/9780749456191/

Palpitation right now...hurting

OUCH!! Hurts...hvg palpitations right now..tmr seeing socil worker Winnie from Lakeside Family Ctr....morning...aww....

Geez..

Learnt from Dr Lee that the doc told her tat I wanted to be warded..."CHA" that doc!! >_<

Anyhow twist word!! WTF!! We chose NUH & dunno why ended up at transit ward..Dr Choo came over in the afternoon & said at our own risk...that my mother had to camp with me...Anyway, am grateful that Dr Lee told them to dicharge me.

Dr Lee gave me 'homework'..lol

Had durian snow ice & bak chang for lunch at around 2.30 p.m. V dizzy le...

A counsellor from lakeside family ctr called me up today & wanted to see me tmr..gg to their ctr then to SGH LIFE for dietitian appt.

Lumosity Brain Performance Index

Lumosity Assessments


We're happy to introduce Lumosity Assessments, quick brain tests to evaluate cognitive abilities. We recommend periodically doing Lumosity Assessments in addition to regular Lumosity training.

Assessment Area Tested Last Result
 
Trail Making A Attention and speed 39.200 s
Trail Making B Flexibility and speed 48.300 s
Spatial Recognition Location memory 5
Wordy Equations Math processing speed 14
Go/No-Go Processing speed 0.565 s
Word Response Processing speed 0.458 s
Digit Span Short-term memory 10
Letter Memory Short-term memory 6
Memory Span Spatial memory 7
Pattern Recognition Visual memory 11
Reverse Memory Span Working memory 6
 
What a test for Brain Performance Index...Cognitive Training for Brain...Stress manz!! lol
 
http://www.lumosity.com/

wasup

woke up late this morning, had breakfast at 12 nn, coz mother getting prepared to pray ancestors..coz of me, that had to delay praying...felt bad...

juz had vegetarian lunch & felt so bloated..mother said me why I ate so slow again...well thou am hungry, I dun feel like eating..

Binging today

Now am eating 4 slices of white bread with kaya n butter..thick slices of butter...oh dear

in addition, 3 munchy oat biscuits & mee snack...oopz...feeling very famished...weight gonna go up tmr... :o(

FB frens avoiding me

I've only myself to blame but it's not wihin my control to carry out but I did try to restrain myself from carrying it out. I knw FB frens avoiding me..well, I don't blame them but I felt very hurt deep wthin. Ya, no one truely understands how I felt.

Yesterday, went to MPS side & after listening to Mrs Tharman's words, I felt better. She wanted me to have professional help at nearby which is lakeside family centre but till now, I still couldn't accept that snr social worker (male) coz he's really damn pissed off & I did try accepting him but it didn't help. Hence, they arrange for a female social worker to befriend me. Argh, don't remind me of the so called "contract"...It's not something which I wanted to do.

Today, snr social worker called mother up to inform that he heard from Mrs Tharman about my recent inpatient & that he will arrange a female social worker & meet my mother also.

Man inserted zucchini into his anus to attempt suicide the ancient way..lol

http://news.asiaone.com/News/Latest%2BNews/Asia/Story/A1Story20100322-206018.html

Visit to library today

Today, went to jurong library & borrowed 3 books titled as follows: Eight Steps to Happiness - The Buddhist Way of Loving Kindness & The Meditation Handbook by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, The Science of Staying Young by John E. Morley MD & Sheri R Colberg PhD.

Hope that I gain realization, enlightment & calmness by reading meditation master Geshe Kelsang Gyatso's books.

Eh, must have concentration to read also.. :p

Heartfelt thanks to Dr Lee

Deeply appreciate Dr Lee's help today. Without her, I won't be able to discharge today. Coming appt, I must thanks Dr Lee personally.

Dr Lee, TUVM. :o) Hugz...hee

Feeling better

This morning, woke up feeling better & was discharged. This thurs gg to see Dr Lee.

I must do something more, reading philosophy, self-help, buddhism books to lift me from the dumps. Can't let myself to be controlled by the suicidal thoughts which are very disabling & horrible, scares me.

Almost jump off building

Woke up from nightmare at 5 a.m. juz now, about me seeing "things" with a kid..something which I couldn't actually remember what it was about. A sudden feeling of being hopeless n future seems bleak that I went to the kitchen window & wanted to jump down from there. I was crying hysterically...I dunno why out of sudden there's an impulse inside to wanting to suicide! It's really horrible...I was trying to think of Mrs Tharman, my mother and father...that I later tried sitting down right n front of Goddess of Mercy & ancestors.

I couldnt stop crying...my mind was so confused & blank!! Deep inside struggling, I wanna die & end all, the other side no u shouldn't..think of so many ppl arnd u trying to help me..I cant let them down..when I asked Goddess of Mercy as today it's Buddha's birthday..whether I should go A&E? And I could feel it that it's telling me, yes, u should but deep inside I really dun wish to..I wont have freedom...every morning have to face so many doctors with all eyes on me! Then monitor whether finish the food on ur plate. Am not used to the transparent clothing...felt so naked in it..

Sleep deprivation

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/health/view/1043889/1/.html

MOH released news on more psychologists & therapist

Guess not only for child development...on this earth....humans harming one another...that explains lotsa problems...I myself unable to escape it to & it's putting me thru this horrendous test!!

Viewing how Jesus got nailed on cross on CNA & my Pastor Uncle Augustine sent, made me sick..I can't take it..horrible scene...traumatized...

Seminar - Stress at Suntec 10 Apr

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/seminar

Should I go for it? To learn some relaxation techniques?? Ex leh, $16 now... Ponder..

Dont play me like that anymore!!

Even singtel prepaid top up is playing on me!! Bought the bonus $30 top up & ended up credit not in. Left with $2 plus only...how to ctc..?

WTF!! Am oredi not in so gd mood le...still wanna fool me like that!

My G700 biz ed hp seems cranky too...%$^%&$*^^%#$@%#$@!

Scrapblog

Try out scrapblog online & share online at FB, Twitter, Flickr...etc..

Check out at http://www.scrapblog.com/ Have fun!

SO BORED!!!!

Am damn BORED!! Raining over at west area.I wanna go orchard...go there do what? See ppl, take pics of ppl...lol...

Woke up with big puffy eyes!! Like goldfish!! EEwsS...

11.30 am plus oredi..haha LAst nigh, damn hungry but din eat anything...v GOOD!!! KEEP IT UP!!!

Morning weigh, lose 1.5kgs!! HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOS Photography Contest!!

Wow! Juz read the new of FOS Photography CONTEST!! I wanna win the 1st prize!!! Grab my latest Fujifilm finepix EXR Z700 Camera SNAP SNAP SNAP!! This is the opportunity to boost my portfolio!! If selected, will be displayed at ORCHARD for public voting too beside panel of judges!!

EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SNAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP SNAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Session today

Today Apr fooling me, no taxi in sight for an hr plus & it's approaching 11.30am v soon. Luckily I had SGH oper ctc on my cam hp, called up, linked to clinic A to info Dr Lee that I'll be late. Reached there arnd 11.40a.m. ah..breathless...my turn's arnd 12 noon...

Always wanted to tell something to Dr Lee but always slipped my mind...argh..hence typed it & gave her. Zoloft increased to 75mg & maintained on lorazepam. Oh no, Dr Lee sounded offended when I mentioned why named it psy ward, why not Holistic Wellness Ward..Then she said Apple is Apple, Orange is Orange..how can u say Apple is Orange & vice versa. Oopz...

Out of sudden, felt stress internally, felt dizzy, sat down & started crying...Duhz! No appetite till I noticed it's almost 2 something that I went coffee toast to have a bowl of wanton mee pok n kopi c. Went to LIFE gym & saw lil sis Siti there. Happy to see her there...

Started in gym half an hr, took BG 11.8, BP 120/ 70. I did dumb bells 3x10 sets, cycling resis 6 for 30 mins & threadmill halfway but completed 3 mins at 2.5 speed dizzy & felt like vomitting. When done, I stayed put on the threadmill as felt whole room spinning..I couldnt withstand..informed physiotherapist & exercise stopped for the day..BG 11.4 & BP 121/70...called DNE Eunice & said it's due to stress emotionally thats why BG high.

I rested & changed to clean tshirt. Eric came to me & said all readings ok, asked me anything happened...could be emotion stress..asked if anyone accompany me home & when I said am taking mrt home, Eric wanted me to take cab home on safe side. If still feel unwell, to see GP immedately..

Had dinner at almost 8.30 p.m. No mood ah...Eunice agreed with what Dr Lee said, to solve my mood 1st as it's v unstable & that I did ya "silly" thing scratched my leg..

Aiya, whose on right mind would do "silly" thing...haha But hor, everyone in a lifetime sure got do something "silly"... :p

Damn Bo Ho Sey!! -_-!!