I miss my grandmother too much

Ytd night, gg to bed, thinking of my grandmother & I couldn't hold my tears & cried out. Yes, I really miss my grandmother very much. It has been 20 yrs, time flies fast. Vividly, one morning when I was in sec 1, ironing my clothes. Phone rang, I took the call & was to ask mother to the phone.

Viewing from outside the master bedroom, I could sense something is wrong, mother was crying. Initially, she don't intend to let me know as I was young. I prompted mother till she released demise of grandmother news to me. I was like too shocked for any words. It was exam time & was nearing sch holidays. Planned to go spring leaf height where grandmother lives with 3rd uncle's family to visit her but ...she was pronounced dead. She was sitting on the arm chair ion living room chanting sutras & passed away peacefully.

Up till now, I still couldn't accept it. Actual lunar date is "2 yue chu 3", I rmb english date 6th Mar.

Here's the story goes, I attended 4 days of classes in K1 & K2, on fridays, mother will bring me along to dakota crescent to stay with grandmother. Mother wants to take care of grandmother & she won't feel lonely too. When it's time to part, both of us are unwilling & we cried. Sun's night the time taking cab home as it waslate, next day morning I had to attend class. Teacher was unhappy that time, citing it will affect my studies & esp my chinese lessons. Mother felt otherwise since I can score well in the exams. Somehow or rather, my mandarin is affected during sec sch time. That explains my mandarin is "pte ltd".

The times when outing with grandmother was nice, gg to zoo, sentosa, shopping, celebrating her birthday at "5 yue hua" and I always keep a lookout for the push carts for dim sums..haha Har Gow, Siew Mai...and I could wallop few bowls of century egg porridge, almond desert too.

I still can remember how my grandmother looks like, I even keep her photos. Am not scare at all. During the mths, when she just passed away, grandmother came into my dream. I wanted to follow her but she told me I must stay alive. That happened quite frequently.

Yesterday, mother went to the temple to pay respects to grandmother, mother kept getting 'bou bui". Till she asked grandmother, is it becoz she misses me "fragrance baby", the it really turns out "sheng bui"!! Mother told grandmother that she'll bring me to pay respects to her when am free of appts.

Looking forward to it but afraid I might not be able to hold my tears whenever I wanna say things to grandmother. I've got the chemistry feeling grandmother misses me even before mother went to the temple.