Cold and famish

It's pretty cold & famish now at this timing. Had instant oatmeal porridge but still feel hunger pang. Making instant seafood noodles now. hehe

Head throbbing again, must be migraine. Oh no..NOT AGAIN!

Head jerking involuntary for past one week while sleeping

For the past one week, head been jerking involuntary after medication of fluvoxamine increased to 100mg.

I sms-ed Eunice, my allied nurse & she called me up to let Dr Lee know. Hmm..wonder to call or not. Maybe need to decrease medication? Eunice told me she don't want me to be "heroine" by playing street basketball for so many hours. She rather my sugar reading high than to exhaust myself. hee... :p

Am still pondering whether to call Dr Lee or not.

What a day at arcarde

Yesterday, went to Jurong Point arcarde. Looking at uncles & aunties playing the sweetland big machine and there's this old couple, white haired. China gal passed some sweets to the old man. I played 1 hr on car racing - midnight wangan. Got myself Nissan GT-R black.

Later, try hands on the street basketball at Star Factory but their ball soft soft and got hit back by the balls hard at my face as there's barrier on top! Played Time Crisis 4 for a while & went over to Zone X.

Didn't realised that my card tapped for many times & I played for 4 hrs! My goodness! Then there's this gal who wanna play & I let her play while I took a break in between. Am shacked! Luckily had 2 brown rice sticks before it, otherwise I would have really fainted. I could feel fainting spells, hunger and dizziness.

Ain't doing "homework"

Ain't doing my "homework" anymore. It's straining my eyes to write at night as light is dim & my eyes are having problems too. Of late, seeing things blurry. I've no internet at home too.

Wassup

Out to Tiong Bahru Plaza for lunch, had nasi lemak set priced $4-80. Consists of one big bowl of green nasi lemak rice, ikan bilis and peanuts, otak, chicken cutlet and not forgetting the irresistable chilli!

Went to buy apple, QUAKER rolled oats which is now on promotional price $4.90, beef sausages, less sugar kaya and ALIVE yoghurt. Very heavy that I felt lethargic.

Very sinful food I had for lunch today. Tonight must exercise more.

Soft toys won at Star Factory

So bored...

yesterday didn't go as planned, to go temple for praying. Sky was extremely dark, as if going to have heavy downpour but it didn't. At home, feeling so bored and tired, don't feel like doing anything except sleep again.

Woke up around 2 plus in the afternoon to have fettucine for lunch. Had plain dosai and pratas for dinner as there wasn't much choice.

Evening time, mother suggested me going to Jurong Point and my eyes light up but to learn mother was pulling my leg, thinking I didn't take it for real. I changed quickly and went JP shopping.

Got myself 2 straight wrinkle-resistant pants, 2 clothings, japanese ice-creams and cream puffs. Reached home before 10p.m. However, unable to sleep at night. Kept tossing around in my bed. Had a bad dream.

Restricting what I eat

I always try restricting the amount I eat at meals & mother would say I ate too little but I insisted it's the 'official portion' the nutritionist told me. If I felt that I ate a little more, feel so bloated & wanting to purge out.

At work, I can eat as little as I can without mother's intervention. hehe... half bowl of plain rice with steamed chicken & vegetables & fruit. I can choose to have instant oatmeal porridge. Most of the time, I felt fatigue & sleepy.

Eat a little and left more time for napping. keke... that's the way I am. I can do anything I like without anyone's knowledge.

How to slim down

Just sharing tips on how to slim down, it's open to anyone with other methods.

1. Avoid soft drinks like cola-cola, plum drink and sugary stuffs drinks.
2. Avoid food items ending with -ose.
3. Have more fibre foods and vegetables.
4. Avoid deep fried food, opt for grill instead if you're unable to resist western food.
5. Exercise at least 30 mins to 1 hour daily, if not, thrice a week.
6. Drink plently of water.
7. Limit your portion of food, especially carbohydrates.
8. If you're hungry, try not to snack. Drink plenty of water to make you feel full.

As if am being drugged?

Friday, I had physiotherapy at SGH, went back to office. Upon reaching office, felt body unwell but unable to describe the feeling. I can't withstand anymore, however, I've waited till 5p.m. to knock off.

Once at home, I took off my shoes, put down my bags and went to bed straight away. Telling mother am too tired and no appetite to eat at all. Woke up at around 8p.m., had a little porridge and went back to sleep again.

Mother woke me up at 11.0o a.m. on a Saturday morning, feeling very unwell, dizzy and nausea. This kinda feeling of wanting to vomit but unable to, it's TERRIBLE! Mother asked if I wanted to see my god-sis doctor but to find out she's away. Mother got me some chinese tablets from medical hall opposite where we reside. Most probably, caught chills.

Woke up only to take some food and went back to sleep. It was same the next day. Got mother worried sick. Felt like as if am drugged, keep on feeling so sleepy and can sleep for hours, only to wake up when feeling a bit hunger.

Sunday night, couldn't fell asleep till late in the wee hours. Now that am feeling groughy. Aww...tonight, going over to Blk 184 for some assistance.

Fated to meet again

Yesterday, while waiting for my turn to see doctor at clinic A, guess whom I saw? Mun MY, my god-mother whom worked at SAFCA. Been years since last saw her when I was still working at previous cataloguing department. At one point of time, God-mother back at SAFCA for less than a week after she resigned. She wasn't her usual self thou. She was accompanied by her hubby.

I was curious,hence, I approached her asking whether she's ah Mun and her hubby recognised me at 1st look but not god-mother. Her hubby whispered to her ears then she remembered who I am. She said I've lost a lot of weight and looked so much prettier. hehe.. happened I was stylish with my music tie that goes along with my long sleeve corporate look shirt. Her doctor was Dr Chan. I got her contact 1st.

Will Xanax make me fat?

Since last thurs, Dr god-sis prescribed me Xanax for my anxiety and to aid me sleep better at night, find that been like easily famish and crave for carbos. Oh my goodness! I control and control, as I do not wish my efforts done to drain after I've lost 16kgs!

The medication left few more nights only. Now that my mother also try to follow my style, take slightly less than 3/4 bowl of rice, after meal, walk at least 15 mins, best 30 mins. But mother would never exercise one. Hehe...

Yesterday, wed morning, so sick I couldn't get out of my bed. Mother was worried sick. Wanted to bring me see chinese physician but don't know which one good. I decided to see Bao Zhong Tang at SGH. Dr Yang, snr physician saw me and prescribed a weeks medication which need to be brewed and take twice per day. Saying my constitution is weak, after this week dose, need to go back to prescribed me to 'tiao yang' my health. The fees in total is SHOCKING!! What to do, as I can't always easily fall sick, which am sick of this already. I can feel blood circulation and mood better also.

This morning visit

to Clinic A was disappointing. Reached there at 10.40 a.m. and waited till 12 noon for my turn. Went in to find that it's not Dr Lee but it's Dr Sandy. You know what? I just don't feel like talking at all but forced myself to say a little.

Waited for today appointment, lotsa things to talk to Dr Lee. About work and my morning taxi driver Jason, who kept mentioning about his wife and maid affairs. Halfway thru, Dr Lee appeared telling Dr Sandy can go since she's here. Thought Dr Sandy would go off but she didn't. Upon reaching office, took a look at the medication, eh... how come fluvoxamine take 2 in the morning? All along been taking at night. Is it typo error?

Tues morning, feeling very bored and giddy, Took half day leave then to realise that there's roof-top works at my block, how am I going to have a good afternoon nap. Hence, went to JP to have the teppayanki chicken set with garlic rice. I was urshered to the table where I can see chef's culinary skills. Oh...he's cool, dashing with his superb culinary skills. I was fascinated by the way he cook the pudding too! I was fortunate in a way he was the one who cooked my meal.

He walked round and looked at me the way I savoured the irresistable garlic rice and chicken cubes on the toast bread with lotsa bean sprouts. I told him "OISHI NE!" with thumbs up and he was very elated and thanked me many times with nice bow. His voice doesn't seem to be local.

After lunch, proceed to Star Factory to catch Walt Disney limited edition mini soft toys. Oh dear, all mini monthly mouse all caught except one and only silver mini minnie mouse left which I had it. I caught stitch with clothed in japanese style with sushi and pasta. Kawaii ne! Caught extra set of 4 and 3 extras, had giraffee, whale and a cute special pooh bear in yellow! The china gal said I was so lucky. keke...

Suitable for diabetes

1. Gardenia Nutri Multi-Grain Low GI - 2 slices.

2. RYiKRISP Sesame Crackers.

3. QUAKER Weetbix - 2 pieces dipped in cold low fat milk.

4. F&N ALIVE - Bixies Crunch Whole Grain.

5. Carman's Apricot & Almond Muesli Bars.

6. QUAKER Quick 'N Hearty Instant Oatmeal Porridge. (take on rainy days when no food available.)

7. QUAKER Mini Delights 90 Calorie packs - Cinnamon Streusel.

8. Country Gold Anzac Biscuits. 1-2 pieces.

9. Pei Tian 168 - Seaweed/ 12 grain brown rice (other flavours available.)

10. Ben & Jerry Ice Cream (tested blood sugar not spike, at good range reading.)

For sweet tooth people like me but also diabetic, fear not. Got chocolates and sweets with labelled "suitable for diabetes". Available in hospital and polyclinic pharmacies.

1. SCHNEEKOPPE prodieta - Cappuccino

2. Frankonia - Rum Truffle.

3. GOLIGHTLY Sugar Free Reduced Calorie
- Assorted Toffees
- Creme Doublers Blueberry & Creme Chews
- Chocolate Mint Candy
- Coffee Candy
- Assorted Candy (fruits)
- Assorted Coffee Hard Candy
- Butterscotch Candy

4. SWEET 'N LOW Sugar Free Brand
- Peppermint Hard Candy

Last but not least, even though suitable for diabetes, please take in moderation. Thank you. The above is for sharing purpose only.

Fatigue and lethargic

Fatigue and lethargic is all I feel daily. When will these go away? Unwillingly I woke up this morning and go to work. Very boring...

Nothing I do have pleasure. Doing research, helping other diabetic patients on what can eat and what cannot eat.

Am currently reading "What Your Doctor Doesn't Know About Nutritional Medicine May Be Killing You". You know what's oxidative stress? Not even myself know till I read it in this book. Even excessive exercise will cause oxidative stress which is harmful to one's body. Whatever you do or eat, must be in moderation.

Walt Disney Collectibles

Yesterday learnt that those soft toys I've caught are limited edition and that once all caught, they won't be any more stock replenished. Wow! I caught the stitch wedding couple, giraffes and 26 mickey & minnie mouse and 1 special bonus micey minnie.

10th Jun 09

During thurs afternoon, I asked snr mgr whether have she tried contacting my psychiatrist & snr psychologist up. Her reply was that she's too busy to call them up and that she tasked HR to do so as they're more professional.

In the 1st place, when I agreed, it's because I trusted you snr mgr that you called personally and that she had intention to go with me to ask from Dr Lee about my condition during my next appointment.

I was extremely STRESSED out as it's HR who will be calling. What they ever wanted is the medical record which was mentioned to me umpteen times for it. Brushing off with the reason that they wanted to help me in my recovery.

I tried contacting Nana from psychiatry department, Dr Lee's secretary but happened to be on medical leave. It was Yuanna who took the call and I asked whether it's kept confidential. She assured me that it is unless, with my written consention.

Already when I was warded last year, 26th Nov 08. Different versions, from mouth to mouth, whole company know about my condition already which upsets me a lot! With that, causes misunderstanding and mis-communication too that at times, mgr taken it too personally against me.

I can't stop people from spreading in which I mentioned to Deputy Director that my ex-xolleagues also saw me at lift lobby and canteen. The way I walk (jerky and extremely slow) with no facial expressions (sad - depressed).

Then I was molested by a guy, whom around in his 40s - 50s near the escalator at level one. His right hand touching my right side of breast and left hand on my left arm. I turned around, seeing his smirky smiling face. He apologised twice while his hands didn't moved away still. After that, he walked away heading towards the gents and I took a clear look at him. Green shirt, dark blue pants with greasy hair.

I went to have some porridge as I was diabetic, couldn't miss meal times. I broke down and no appetite at all. I approached the customer service lady and crying non-stop. Sms-ed my colleagues and bosses. She called security guards and advised her to contact police. They took down my statement and I even demostrated how the guy molested me.

Back to office to pack my stuffs, Saras asked whether I needed companion, I wanted but unsure whether mgr approved. Even male Executive Thee Yeong also mentioned to have someone accompany me but mgr didn't even say so.

Was told to go to HQ cantoment police to make police report. No female policewoman around, except the muslim police guy who took down my statement and told me to demostrate how the guy molested me THRICE!

Am already traumatised by the incidence already. Reminded me of my past when I was molested by a woman much older than I am when I was 17 years old. Why all these happened to me?

I know it's not my fault but it really takes time to heal. Said is easier than done. How to forget totally?

Panic Disorder and Anxiety

Thurs evening, 11th Jun, went to see GP who is my god-sister. She told me I've mild panic disorder and anxiety, hence, Xanax was prescribed to me along with Gingko Biloba 40mg for my blood circulation.

I had similar attack when I was at SGH on 4th Jun, while waiting for my turn, suddenly, I was gasping for breathe, very dizzy and feel like vomiting too. As if am dying, feel like giving up. Mother was with me, told me, even if I don't think of her, also must think of Mdm Jane and Dr Sarani who dotes on me too. Afterwhich, felt relaxed a bit and I remained calm when Dr Lee pressed my queue number to see me. Still having breathing difficulty. When Dr Lee saw my mother pushing me in wheelchair (too dizzy & no strength to walk on my own), her face turned black & raised her voice telling my mother to go out.

Inside the room, Dr Lee in her raising tone said:"Unwell, go see your GP. Why still come?" I told her I saw GP last evening already and that when I reached SGH, was still ok. After that, she toned down.

GP suspected pneumonia. Frequently temp ok but feverish whole body with cold and cough (allergy) along with difficulty breathing. Advised me to inform any SGH doctors during next appointment to have detailed check-up.

Since during the past 2 weeks, having suicidal thoughts, Dr Lee asked me whether I wanted to take a few days rest but SGH psychiatry ward 46A is fulled and will have to refer me to IMH. I queried her:"Do I need to be warded?" She replied saying:"Well, I don't know. You decide."

I told her I don't want then she asked me why. I insisted on not going to IMH. Dr Lee questioned me, how I want them to help me. But I've no idea as I'm unable to think of anything at that moment, mind was blank. She told me she increased my medication fluvoxamine to 100mg and monitor my progress on 18th Jun 09.

Next day, my left ear posing problem, very painful. Visited god-sister and was told no infection. I shared my resume and blogs with god-sister and told her about having re-edit for more than 2o times for my resume. That, god-sister told me to stop doing that, as it's OCD.

Given Ivy leaf extract for cough and medication for nose. Ear still very irrritated. Was lucky to get a bottle of ear drop from chinese medical hall when the uncle wanted to close shop for the day as it was Sunday. My left ear felt better now thou still pain is still existing.

10/6/09 Wed

I woke up earlier this morning too but was too tired to get up from my bed. I was on my bed till 6.45 a.m. Had a wash, combed my hair. Heard my handphone vibrating but I couldn't care as I knew it must be Jason calling me. I hate when people rush me or call me up just for small matters.

As I opened the car door, I saw little Bryan inside. Jason told me he called me to tell me that he needed to send his younger son to school before driving me to my workplace. Weel, it's alright for me, not a problem. He told his son to apologise and little Bryan did. Because he caused everyone to be late, well, Jason..you need not do that on purpose. Alway very inpatient of Jason of not able to wait for me when he supposed to fetched me at 7.30 a.m. I don't care if you reached much earlier. I've waited for Jason a number of times too. Duhz...

My neck still in pain along with stiff shoulders which got injured badly years back when I tried carrying ultra heavy sling bag containing brochures and stuffs gotten at asian aerospace. Ouch! It hurts.

Shortness of breath again. I don't fear death at all but it's the suffering! Why suffer and spent so much money on curing when money not enough. GP told me I had panic attack and anxiety too.

9/6/09 Tues

This morning, I woke up early than my alarm which always ring at 6 a.m. A dream which is unusual. I was with my daddy in a shopping mall, full of escalators heading to lotsa directions. I was looking around when the soft toys at the upper level caught my attention. I called out to my daddy, daddy:”The soft toys are so cute! I wanna get them.”

Daddy ran behind after me, while we’re reaching to the soft toys shop, there were many soft toys all over the place! It was such a wonderful scenery which I’ve never seen in my life!

There, I reached to the enormous soft toys – Chipmunks Chip & Dale. They’re too cute to resist! I wanna get it so daddy said, just buy it. No! Not yet, I wanna enquired about the pricing first thou I saw the price stated “Big soft toys $17”. I asked the auntie and she told me it cost >$70++ for one chipmunk! I pointed to the pricing, auntie shifted it and it shows “Big soft toys letters $17”. Aww..what a disappointment as it was too dear.

From this dream, I woke up. Feeling very headache and unwilling to wake up for work. What a terrible headache I had and my neck was aching too along with stiff shoulders. I couldn’t sleep well at night and yet night time seems very short and so fast, it was daytime.

Inside the cab, Jason kept telling me about his wife whom had divorced him this yr Jan 13th. That his ex-wife but he still mentioned as his wife thou, kept telling his 2 sons that their daddy – Jason is having affair with the new phillipino maid who was few yrs his senior. Which was to a certain extent was true. He asked me whether to take the maid as his wife as he’s too stress and needed a partner.

What could I advise when I haven’t been in a relationship before except, do think thrice because of your sons, eldest is in pri 2 only. How ur sons feel when outta sudden the maid become their mother? The maid was divorced with 2 teenage girls attending Uni at their hometown. Jason even paid for his maid’s daughters’ school fees and even wanna buy laptops for them!